blink. blink. blink.
I've been staring at the blinking cursor for five minutes before I actually started this sentence. I don't know why, but for the longest time, I find it pretty hard to express myself. Unlike before, I used to type away like a madman and take hours to compose the perfect blog entry.
Before, there were even times wherein I can't wait to go home and blog my life away. When I look back, I still remember doing an outline of the things that I have to write, so that I won't forget every detail, every word, every scene. and I miss that a lot. I guess that's where I get to be myself, to see how creative I am, to know that I can at least do something good with the so-called "untapped potentials" that I have (or I think I have).
But now, I don't even have the slightest idea where to start, or even HOW. I'm pinpointing on 1 or two reasons. The first one would be because I have forgotten where I placed my creativity and lost the knack of sharing the colorful complexities of my life. Or second, there are just too many things that I have to keep to myself.
Am I being that secretive? or am I just giving the whole mysterious image a try? Either way, you decide.
Yes, I a holding back. Not because I want to, but because I need to. and because of this "holding back", I tend to lose who I am and what I can do. Oh, YOU BET. I can write so many wonderful, CRAZY and exciting things, but I can't. Why? Because I have to.
I don't really care who reads my LJ, I just feel sorry for myself. It's as if I'm depriving myself of the things that I enjoy doing. Just because.
I guess I'm doing this entry for myself. I need reminding. I have to make sure that I don't lose who I am in the middle of this whirlwind life that I'm living right now. I am having the time of my life, yes, that is true. But there's just simply one thing that makes it more exciting--and that is to share it with other people, one way or the other.
and now I'm beginning to think a little better. I can share what I can and just delete out the
expletives. hahaha. yeah right, but that would make all of my stories BLANK. :P
Step by step, I can move on with this. I just feel that I'm in the midst of my creativity drought, or whatever. I don't get to express myself here, take pictures, write stories or think quirky stuff just like I used to back in college. I miss that. I miss that a lot. I don't know if it's because I was surrounded by a bunch of creative, imaginative and witty people at the time, and I was able to absorb their powers (superhero ba ito?). But what the heck.
Am I being in a corporate world sucking all the fun in me? Or is it because I'm hiding too much from all these people? Gawd, I hope not.
I guess I just need to step back a little and remind myself who I really am and what I am capable of doing. and what I am capable are the things that I enjoy and give me happiness.
Gawd. I think I need to double- no wait - triple my dosage of laughter and music. I don't get to laugh so hard these days. If I do, I don't get to share it with someone, because that would make me an idiot (in their eyes anyway). :P
When was the last time that I laughed so hard again? aah. The time where I texted Donna about this TL who had a dark, murky past. bwahaha! Yeah, why don't I share that here? :D It's worth sharing anyway. haha.
Which makes me jump to the next emotion that I'm feeling right now, which is this: I miss hanging out with my high school and college friends, they can be the most wittiest, outrageous bunch in the world.
That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
I hope this is going to be the beginning of something wonderful (now, is that an Orange and Lemons song or what?) again.
Sweet you rock. Sweet you roll baby. :)
- Music:Crash into Me - Dave Matthews Band